And In This Corner.....

I’ve always felt that the best nighttime dreams are the bad ones -- the nightmares -- because you feel so darn good when you wake up to find them untrue. Such was the case this morning when I woke up, quite relieved that I did not have to fight Joe Frazier at Madison Square Garden.

For the uninitiated -- “Smokin’ Joe” Frazier was a great heavyweight boxer, World Champ for a while in the early 1970s. He fought the legendary Muhammed Ali 3 times, actually winning the first fight. He was an extremely tough, hard-hitting hombre, one of the few who ever knocked Muhammed Ali to the canvas.

As for what he might do to ME in the ring…well this was the focus of the dream. In the dream I wasn’t DOING very much. I was apparently in a subway station, very close to Madison Square Garden, sitting down, thinking of this upcoming fight, which was to happen within the hour. And I was STALLING. It was a non-action dream, during which I “contemplated“ action.

There was some awareness that Frazier was retired, or least not the current Heavyweight Champ. This was no consolation, and I was well aware of almost certain pulverization. It was simply a matter of whether I go in swinging wildly, hoping for a lucky punch, or cover up in defensive posture, which would postpone the inevitable for a few seconds. In the dream I sat and weighed these options, and these thoughts actually had corresponding “pictures” of myself in the ring, briefly trying these strategies.

It was the money, it was the money….I even knew what I was getting paid in the dream -- $12,000, as a last minute challenger to Frazier. This last-minute substitute factor is exactly what happened to Sylvester Stallone in the first “Rocky” movie. So this was my first movie-plagiarism dream. But by today’s standards, $12,000 is pretty lousy payment for getting demolished by Joe Frazier in legendary Madison Square Garden, and I’m a little disappointed in my “dream self” for settling for so little.

At one point, I looked at my watch…only 25 minutes to go….gotta have that $12,000.…they’ll sue me if I was a no-show….I’d be forever branded a coward if I didn’t show up….maybe I should walk out there with my hands at my sides, get it over with quickly…damn, I really don’t want to do this….

…..And with that I woke up, it was morning, one of the nicest wake-ups of my life. Wow, I REALLY DON’T have to fight Joe Frazier. Think I’ll have a coffee, make sure I don’t go back to sleep.

Vivid dreams have some logical explanation, so I suppose I’ll spend time today wondering where this thing came from. In any case I hope it isn’t some kind of “to be continued” dream with a Part Two.

I’m tempted to write ol’ Smokin’ Joe himself about all this. I don‘t know him at all, but he might find it amusing. Who knows, maybe he had a dream about having to fight some utterly unqualified opponent, some old piano player. Well, maybe not, but I might get an autographed photo out of it.